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Dick Cheney Searches for Relic

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

(SNN) Last week, Vice President Dick Cheney was heavily criticized for his apparel at the ceremony for the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. Cheney’s outfit included a green parka, stocking cap, and hiking boots while other world leaders dressed in black dress attire. The Vice President’s wife Lynne wore a parka as well.

Cheney’s outfit included a green parka, stocking cap, and hiking boots

While Cheney apologists were quick to point out that it was cold and the Vice President was merely attempting to stay warm during a long outdoor ceremony, NewsBlog 5000 sources have discovered that Cheney’s real plans might have been quite different.

Our story begins on the 12th of March in 1938. Hitler had just annexed Austria, and his first action in Austria was to go to the Hoffburg Museum in Vienna were he took possession of an artifact called the Spear of Longinus. The spear was then loaded onto an armored train and escorted to Germany by the SS. Many believe that the Spear of Longinus is actually the Spear of Destiny, the spear used to pierce the side of Christ, and legend holds that whoever can hold the spear will rule the world.

Many believe that the Spear of Longinus is actually the Spear of Destiny

So what does this have to do with Dick Cheney’s attire? While popular thought holds that the Spear is currently safe in the Hoffburg, rumors have been circulating for yeas that Hitler made a replica of the spear and hid the original, scattering clues on where to find it around various Nazi strongholds. Many of these rumors focus on Auschwitz as the location for one of the major clues to finding the Spear.

This goes a long way in explaining what Cheney wore hiking boots to Auschwitz, but what can Cheney hoping to gain from the spear? Has he suddenly become interested in occult antiquities? Or does he also believe that the Spear has the power to rule the world?


Complaints:
Cheney will not achieve his goal.

Librarian

btw. We show an over due book Mr. Maynard.
 
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