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Go Ask Alice

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?

Alice

I have always been a shy person. I met my boyfriend at college and it is the first time that I have felt that I’ve loved someone. Since this is my first relationship, I don’t really know how to react to things. Things were going well at first, but after two years, he started asking me if I would have sex with him. I love him very much, but I don’t really want to do it. We’ve tried a couple of times, but I still couldn't make myself do it. Because of this, we have had many arguments. He told me all guys want to have sex, is that true? Why can’t we have a normal relationship like we did in the beginning? I have to agree that he treats me like a princess. But now everything is about sex. I am lost and sad and I feel wounded inside and I don’t know what to do.

Teresa P

TP

There is nothing normal about two college students dating for two years and not having sex. Hell, there is nothing normal about two college students being accidentally locked in a storeroom overnight and not having sex. You virginity is bound to fail, because your own body is working against you. But, you do have a choice. You can lose your virginity in a nice romantic way with the perfect guy, or get drunk and end up with two or four strangers at a keg party. Also, if you feel wounded inside, you may want to consider more lube the next time you try.

Alice

Alice

We had a nun come and give a talk at our church a few weeks ago. After the talk I went out for coffee at a Starbucks near her apartment. I walked her to her apartment and was surprised when she asked me in. When I got inside she kissed me passionately. I had not even kissed a woman in four years, and now a nun had her tongue down my throat. My first instinct was to leave, but she was very attractive and begged me to say. She said even though she was a nun, she had needs and wanted to feel a connection with someone. She then undid my pants and performed oral sex on me. Since then, I made several visits to her apartment with similar results. Well, the other day, she asked me to perform oral sex on her. She took off her clothes in front of me for the first time, and she had a small penis. She said that she had been born with both male and female chromosomes, had always considered herself a woman, and was considered a woman in the eyes of the church. But I am still concerned that if I do this, God will hate me for being a homosexual.

Al H

AH

If you are truly concerned about what God thinks, you probably should have considered this before agreeing to have oral sex with a nun. Beyond that, I’m not sure what God’s rules are in this situation, God was the one that made her a woman with a penis. I can’t really tell you what will save your soul, that’s really a priest’s job, but I can understand why you didn’t want to go to one. I don’t know, maybe one little one wouldn’t be that bad.

Alice


Complaints:
Al H,

tell us the truth. This isn't about a nun. You're sleeping with Mikey Moore aren't you? Makes perfect sense now.

--Albuterol-for-all
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Let me get this straight. Are you are accusing Michael Moore of having a penis or of being a felating crossdresser?
 
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