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Go Ask Alice

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?

Alice

I am an American citizen and my partner is a Chinese citizen studying in Buffalo. He finishes his studies in the spring and will lose his student visa. Because he is busy writing his thesis, I have done the legwork and looked into getting him legal status in the United States. It was looking as if it was going to be too complicated, and I went to talk to Canadian Immigration. While I was there, I fell in love with a beautiful girl and we are thinking about getting married. However, my Chinese partner still thinks I am in love with him, and every time I leave for the immigration office, he thinks I am adamantly pursuing his Canadian citizenship.

Frank W

FW

Your own inaction is your solution. It always hurts to break off a relationship, but it always feels good to blame the government for your problems. And in this case, you will be getting to blame two governments for the price of one. There is a slim possibility that he may finish his thesis early and try to follow up on some of your information himself. In this case the best thing to do is frame him for some type of crime. Try sending threatening letters to your congressman or better yet the president, and sign his name. This should get him deported in no time. If you’re lucky he may even be sent to Guantanamo, that way you can avoid the possibility of surprise visits.

Alice

Alice

I am near the end of my fifth pregnancy and about an hour ago, I had nookie with my hubby. I don’t like having sex now that I am pregnant, but I want to have this baby now. For about 30 mins, I have been having bad contractions. Has it done the trick, or is this just false contractions?

Anita J

AJ

Ok, I’m going to say it one more time. I don’t answer every piece of email I get, and sometimes it is as much as two weeks before I write a column. By the time you are all reading this, AJ probably has a baby, or has died waiting for my response. Also, do not use words like Nooky and Hubby. Also, after already having four, shouldn't you have have some kind of clue as to what's going on?

Alice


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