NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Go Ask Alice

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?


First of all, I’d like to say that I am a big fan of your column, especially because I am an Alice too! The other night my SO and I were bored so we rented a couple of movies. One of these was the Mary Kate and Ashley movie, “New York Minute”. The movie was entertaining, but nothing to get excited about. Yesterday, I came home from work early. I work as a waitress, and sometimes they send us home early because business was slow. I found my SO in the living room, masturbating to a copy of the movie that he had made. What should I do?

Alice H

Your letter was filled with useless information.


Your letter was filled with useless information. Try to keep it to the point next time. AH, you need to confront your SO right away. Copying movies is against the law. You should have him destroy the copy immediately and send an apology to Warner Home Video promising that he will never do it again.



My 17 year old daughter is trying to convince me to buy her breast implants. She says that many of her friends have already had the surgery done and it’s very safe. But I’m still concerned if she should be making this decision so early in life.

Beverly T

every plastic surgery carries risks


Your daughter is obviously suffering from low self esteem. There is no surgery that can fix this. But if you do let her have the surgery, she will have low self esteem, a higher paying job, and a richer husband. It might help if you put yourself in your daughter’s shoes. While every plastic surgery carries risks, would you rather be dead or ugly?


LOL! Awesome.
Excellent. Ask Alice is my favorite segment of what has quickly become my favorite blog. The entire NewsBlog5000 staff is to be commended.
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