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Go Ask Alice

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?

Alice

My girlfriend and I are at the point in our relationship where we either start living together, get married, or end it. We can’t get to this next step, because I can not figure out a way for our pets to get along. My dog absolutely wants to kill her cat. I’m not exaggerating. If he gets a hold of this cat, he will kill it. Does our relationship have to end because our pets can’t get along?

Randy G

RG

Your letter reads like the worst movie plot ever. But the solution should be simple. If you really like this girl, get rid of your dog. If you can’t give up a dog for her, maybe you are not ready for the “next step”. If you really do like this girl, but don’t want to deal with the pet situation, just arrange for her cat to disappear. If you don’t have the stomach to do it yourself, hire a hitman. Many who get into that business have a history of cruelty to animals. You may be able to find one that will do cats for cheap or even free.

Alice

Alice

I am a married man with 3 beautiful kids and a working wife. My supervisor is 12 years my junior and also married. Although we have not had sex, we are deeply in love. She’s always sending me love emails and poems. I find myself working later and later at night just so I can be with her. Nobody else knows about this relationship, but I need to tell someone about it.

Tim L

TL

It sounds to me that your supervisor has found all that she wants and all that she needs: an employee that will work limitless amounts of overtime without complaint. Of course, I could be wrong. See if she actually will have sex with you. That will tell you if she is really in love with you or just using you for cheap labor. There is a possibility that she is using you for cheap labor and will still have sex with you, but in that case, at least you are being compensated.

Alice


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