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The finger on the invisible hand

Go Ask Alice

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?


I have never written someone like this before, but I hope you can help me. My boyfriend seems to want to spend less and less time with me. His health is rapidly deteriorating as he only gets four hours of sleep per night and goes out drinking every third night. He is 29 years old and still takes money from his parents. He refused to get engaged or even think about it. My question is: should I give up on this guy or is there any hope of him returning to 'normal'? do men change at that age?

Jayne V


Chances are that if your boyfriend enjoys his destructive lifestyle at 29, very little will change. At an age when most men have settled down, he chooses to behave like a frat boy. Not only does he currently seem like an ill-suited candidate for a provider, but he does not sound like someone willing to make that leap. He obviously doesn’t respect you and is probably just using you for sex. But don’t worry; he is probably planning to break up with you in the near future, but has just been too lazy or drunk to do it yet. Probably by the time you read this, your problem will have taken care of itself.



I have been seeing this woman for several weeks now. We have not had sex, but every time I call her, we have the most bizarre phone sex. She talks about the craziest fetishes and seems to have no limits at all. Whenever I see her in person, she denies having talked to me on the phone. How can I bring that person on the phone into our face to face relationship?

Dom Q


The phone provides a level of both physical safeness and anonymity. This way of communicating at the beginning of a relationship is actually more common that you think. Sometimes people just have deep seated intimacy problems. Sometimes it is because they fear the complications of a physical relationship. But the most likely cause is that you have programmed the wrong number into your phone.



I am a forty five year old man with a twenty four year old girlfriend. Everyone I know thinks I’m lucky, but I have one problem. She can not stand my Herb Alpert records. Now I don’t consider myself a Herb Alpert fan by any means, but I find that I can not achieve orgasm without hearing one of his records. How can I make myself and my girlfriend happy?

Mike P


I can think of three possible solutions to your problem. First of all, and I highly hope you will take this route, seek immediate counseling. If you are intimidated by counseling, approach her with your problem and ask about the possibility of wearing headphones. If you don’t want to try these things, you could try giving her a pet name like “Tijuana Taxi”.


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