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The finger on the invisible hand

Go Ask Alice

Friday, March 04, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?


I have been seeing this guy for quite awhile. He is not my boyfriend, but we have fooled around several times. The problem is that he refuses to kiss me. We have done just about everything else, but when I try to kiss him, he pulls away. If I confront him about it, he says that he just doesn’t want to kiss. If I press further, he says that he has had enough kissing in his life, and he is tired of it. What should I do?

Deanne W


Your “friend” may just have intimacy problems. But it could be your own lack of dental hygiene. Do you brush regularly? Do you use mouthwash? you seen a dentist lately? Do you have problems with your teeth or gums? Even if you have healthy teeth, it might be that they are stained or unattractive. Dentists can now to some impressive things cosmetically. I once was on a low carb diet and had horrible breath, but it turned out I just needed to start drinking more water.



Why is it that women who are seeing someone always tell me that I would make a great boyfriend and that they would date me if they were single? They always say things like, “You will make a woman so happy some day.” I can’t tell you how sick I am of hearing that.

Dennis L


I can see two options on why women say those kinds of things to you. The first possibility is that they are control freaks that see you as a weak willed individual that they could walk all over, but they are happy with the pathetic shell of a man that they are currently seeing. Most probably, because they are in a relationship, they never think that they are going to have to date you, and they can say anything they feel like with no consequences. However, there is a slight chance that they are being sincere. In that case, you should try to break up their relationship and see what happens.



Is it ok for my semen to be slightly yellow?

Lawrence H


I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you are going to die.


Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm sure you've heard it before.

Brilliant site. Very tongue in cheek.
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