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Go Ask Alice

Friday, February 25, 2005

We are happy to see Alice back from her “Vacation” and proud to bring you a new “Go Ask Alice”.

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?


I am a 27 year old virgin. I have never had sex or even been in a relationship before. I’ve started seeing a girl, and it seems there may be a remote chance that we may end up sleeping together. She knows I am a virgin, but I am still afraid that I will be too nervous and awkward. I realize my first time will probably not be perfect, but I want to give the girl some pleasure. Your help and advice would be appreciated.

Ian E


Do you have access to a laptop with a pencil eraser mouse? If you do, practice moving the mouse with your tongue. If can’t get one, you may want to try a computer store. Any men working in the store will probably understand and leave you alone, and women working in the store may even offer you additional guidance. And, if you can become used to performing oral sex on a computer in public, you probably will be able to handle any embarrassment during your first time. If you try this in a computer store, you may want to clean the keyboard first.



I have been dating this man for a few weeks. We have only had sex once. When I got his clothes off, this guy was the hairiest man I had ever seen. His pubic region was so hairy, I could barely find his penis. I have been putting off seeing him now for a week, but I will have to see him again.

Julie R


Do not be embarrassed to tell him how you feel. Ask him if you can help him with his problem, and even offer to help with hard to reach places. If you aren’t up do doing this, or if he says that he wants to stay the way he is, buy him an expensive bottle of shower gel and replace the gel with a hair removal lotion.


Do you have access to a laptop with a pencil eraser mouse?One of the funniest lines I've seen in quite a while..excellent.
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