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News in Brief

Friday, March 11, 2005

Pentagon Clears Pentagon of Wrongdoing

A recent Pentagon Report has shown the Pentagon had no knowledge and can hold no responsibility in the various prison abuse and prisoner mistreatment scandals. Furthermore, the Pentagon has exonerated Pentagon chief, Donald Rumsfeld, of any wrongdoing.

Senate Protects Banks from Citizens

In a bold showing of bipartisan cooperation today, the Senate approved the largest bankruptcy adjustment in 27 years. The bill removes the safety net that prevents credit card issuers from imposing huge interest rates on the mentally feeble. Ultimately this bill is hoped to stop the unemployed from creating small businesses.

Image hosted by Hall of Famer Tommy Lasorda was beheaded by DEA agents earlier this year.

Canseco Wants Immunity

Jose Conseco asked Thursday for immunity from prosecution if he’s to testify before a congressional committee. Canseco may fear persecution from agents under the war on drugs that have the legal right to burst into his home, seize all his property and cut off his head on suspicion of drug use. As yet, no explanation has been given as to why congress is making a big deal out of this.

Apple Backs Blu-Ray

Apple has joined the Blu-Ray association. Blu-Ray is a consortium of computer companies striving to make their standard a player in the next generation of DVDs. Blu-Ray’s critics promote the HD-DVD standard as the superior format and warn that the power Blu-Ray lasers will eventually eat though the disks, the players, and burn a hole to the center of the Earth.

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