Liberals Soft on Sharks
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
(SNN Miami) Last weekend, a shark killed a 14 year old girl and maimed a 16 year old boy. While the liberal media wants you to believe that shark attacks are a nuisance too rare to bother with, they pose a deadly threat to the sovereignty of this nation.
Sharks can cross our border with little or no difficulty.
The arrogance of the press is unbelievable. The Orlando sentinel went as far as to call shark attacks “rare but inevitable”. But who could look in the face of the 30 people attacked by sharks last year and tell them that the United States has no sympathy for what happened to them?
And we are clearly under siege. Sharks can cross our border with little or no difficulty. Just yesterday afternoon, a blue shark was found dead on Rockaway Beach in Queens. How the shark died is unclear, though one eyewitness said it had a hook in its mouth. "Right away (I thought) the (shark attacks) Florida thing, I said, 'Oh my god, they're coming in here now, too?' So I said, 'This is gonna be a long summer,'" one beachgoer said.
Some claim that those hurt in shark attacks are not the real target and instead sharks chasing fish into a surf zone become confused and bite a person instead. "We aren't on their food chain, so it's such a rarity that this type of thing happens," said John Hudson, owner of Pro Dive in Fort Lauderdale.
This publication supports the Global War on Sharks.
Another arrogant claim of liberals is that the threat of a shark attack is a coastal issue and Midwesterners are overly frightened of shark attacks. But it is clear that if sharks were able to obtain the capability, they would no doubt strike at the heart of the United States. This is why this publication supports the Global War on Sharks.
This is why America must rise up and declare war on Sea World. Long a harbor for sharks, Sea World has been implicated in helping sharks cross the border. Secretary Rumsfeld says that planning is already in place, and the U.S. military could easily take Sea World. "It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months," said Secretary Rumsfeld.
Some say that we should not attack Sea World, but that we should focus on protecting our own beaches from shark attacks. Sam Gruber, who works at the University of Miami, explains why this is impossible. "This is an animal in its natural environment," said Gruber. "This is something you can expect when there are millions of people in the water. There is very little you can do about it."
It is clear that the War on Sharks is just an extension of the already-existing War on Terror. My understanding is that Vice President Halliburton says we must declare war on these terrorists, who control of prime oil drilling territory, or we will see a mushroom cloud over a major American city!
I thank you, sir, for bringing this new front in the global War on Terror, and promise you that no pinko liberal is going to deter us from victory!
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin