NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Flag Desecration on the Rise

Thursday, June 23, 2005

(SNN Washington) Yesterday, the House of Representatives voted 286-130 to pass a constitutional amendment that would give Congress the ability to pass laws on flag desecration. While proponents of the law have harped on the five or so cases of flag burning that are documented every year, the problem goes much deeper.

Some, such as Rep. Randy (Duke) Cunningham, R-CA believe that the flag is more precious because of 9/11. "Ask the men and women who stood on top of the Trade Center," said Rep. Cunningham. "Ask them and they will tell you: pass this amendment."

NewsBlog 5000 staff attempted to contact a psychic to corroborate Rep. Cunningham’s statements, but we were unable to find any psychics who did not believe that contacting WTC disaster victims was not in bad taste. Their representative in congress, however, thought the amendment was unnecessary. "If the flag needs protection at all, it needs protection from members of Congress who value the symbol more than the freedoms that the flag represents." said Rep. Jerrold Nadler, D-N.Y., whose district includes the site of the former World Trade Center.

The rules of how to properly handle and display the flag are complicated and intricate. Desecration of the flag is so easy to do, that many do it every day without realizing it. As people become more patriotic, they are more likely to possess, and thus mistreat the image of the flag by blowing their noses in a flag handkerchief, or drinking urine from an American flag mug, or storing pornography in an American flag lunch box. Recently a leading political figure, who for the purpose of this article shall remain nameless, was caught signing the flag like an autograph book. It is especially considered disrespectful to wear the image of the flag on clothing. This goes back to a little known incident in 1780 when Ben Franklin was wearing a pair of boxer shorts with the image of the flag and was seen in public pitching a tent.

Chances of passing the amendment seem slim. There have been more than 11,000 attempts in Congress to amend the Constitution; only 27 amendments have won ratification.

As Americans we should consider ourselves lucky that things are going so well in our country that our politicians have nothing better to do than debate this asinine amendment.

But doesn't burning a flag mean that you hate America and that you should just move to China? You know the Non-free, Communist country that doesn't allow its flag to be burned.
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