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The finger on the invisible hand

President Valiantly Ignores Constitution to Defend

Sunday, December 18, 2005

(SNN Washington) In his weekly radio address, the president explained that the illegal wiretapping that he'd been doing was all a part of a plan to defend the Constitution.

The president believes he is above the law

The president clearly explained in his radio address, that it was not illegal for him to place wiretaps without any kind of law or judicial oversight to back up his position, because it was a highly classified program, too classified for Congress or judges to know about. In addition the president suggested that because it was such a sensitive operation, it was actually the New York Times that was breaking the law.

Some went as far as to suggest that the president believes he is above the law, but what they don't understand is that there is actually a quite large precedent for the president being above the law. This goes back to time when Nixon ignored dueling ordinances in Washington, DC and had a sword fight on the White House lawn with Henry Kissinger.

What most people don't know is that Nixon cheated.

Most people know about the battle on the White House lawn, which the two used to decide an argument about whether or not Nixon should go to China. However what most people don't know is that Nixon cheated. The entire time Nixon and Kissinger were fighting on the White House lawn, there was a Secret Service agent waiting to smite Kissinger if he took the upper hand in the battle.

Kissinger did indeed take a bullet during the battle and dropped his sword. Nixon, now having the upper hand, began to swing wildly. But in an especially wide backstroke, he cleanly beheaded Checkers the dog. As Nixon watched the head of his dog fly through the air, he realized that he had done his friend a disservice. He put Kissinger's body in a vat of bio-restorative gel, sent a White House aide to the pet store to buy another Checkers and reluctantly agreed to go to China.

But if Dear Leader can't tap any body he wants to tap, the Hairdressers of Mass Destruction will run amok and kill us all! (Or at least give us bad haircuts, oh the horror!).
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