NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Today marked our first holiday celebration at NewsBlog 5000.

We were all very happy to receive a card from Alice Humbees, who is spending 30 days in jail for starting an altercation outside of a Wal-Mart. In addition, we received greetings from James Skippenofsky, who has finished his stay at the health spa, and is now for some unexplained reason in the Bahamas.

We consumed a potluck meal mainly consisting of store-bought desserts and Kentucky fried chicken. James Skippenofsky's friend Frank brought a large batch of borscht. Frank also brought drinks. I've never before tasted a carbonated beverage flavored with soy sauce. Later we sat around and Roy told us stories about the Dole campaign.

On a personal note, I'm getting along quite well with my new wife Milika. She has taken to calling me her little SCUD, which I can only assume is a term of affectation. It has been a little hard for her to adjust to American ways, and I think she still misses her life at the KGB. Just last week, I had to remind her that it was not polite to assassinate high-ranking members of the State Department.

Cool, mail order brides from Russia.
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