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Minutemen Want a Solid 15

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Minutemen Quick Fact

While the minutemen have been embroiled in accusations of racism, they are heavily supported by the Aryan nation, a part of India.

Minutemen border watch leader Chris Simcox sent a stern message to President Bush today. Mr. Bush, build that wall.

Simcox said Wednesday that he's sending an ultimatum to the President, and when he says President, he means the media. President Bush must send the national guard to protect the border, or Simcox's volunteers would start privately erecting a fence.

The minutemen have already gotten permission from six landowners to build a fence. The fences would consist of a 6 foot deep trench, backed by razor wire in front of a fifteen foot high angled heavy gauge steel mesh fence. In addition, the trench would be filled with alligators, and minutemen volunteers will smear their own feces on the fence to make it harder to climb. Behind fence would be a 60 foot wide graded dirt road, to facilitate that ability of minutemen to go on beer runs while calling each other "Raven" and "Night Commando". Behind the dirt road would be another 15 foot fence crowned with Razor wire and video cameras.

Whichever minuteman works the hardest to build the fence will receive a coupon for a free penis extension, so he does not have to chase around half starved, unarmed Mexicans to feel like a man.

But the great patriot Chris Simcox is stymied at every turn. He is described by people who know him as an "incurable racist" and a "failed anti-Mexican bigot". His own son was taken away from him when he was merely training him to be a soldier in the "upcoming race war" that would result from the "Mexican conspiracy" working to take over Los Angeles. Last year Simcox was convicted on federal weapons charges while merely exercising his right, as a crazy person, to bear arms.

In addition to wanting to protect us from the Mexican conspiracy, Simcox fulfills another grand patriotic function. By comparison, President Bush looks intelligent and sane.

They are all racist assholes. And so is the illegal president of the U.S. (Well, maybe he's not racist, just anti poor folk.) (But he's still an asshole.) An asshole who surrounds himself with assholes.
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