NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Skippy Gets a Website

Sunday, April 30, 2006

You may have noticed there has not been a Skippy Does it for awhile. There's kind of a funny story behind that. I have always wanted to someday graduate from NewsBlog 5000 into my own website. I now know that you should be careful what you wish for.

I wanted to go on one of those crazy Japanese game shows. I went for an audition, and was kidnapped by the Yakuza. I was then stripped naked and put in an apartment on a webcam and forced to apply to contests to meet my basic needs. The front door and the windows were barred to stop me from getting away.

I was hindered in my abilities to win the contests because I do not read Japanese. I went seventeen days without food. Finally, I got my first prize, a jar of mayonnaise. I tried eating mayonnaise for a few days, but did not feel nutritionally fulfilled. Finally, I covered my body with the mayonnaise and between my emaciated form and the lubrication of the mayonnaise, I was able to get out of a smaller window which the Yakuza had considered too small to escape from. You would be amazed at how hard it is to get by in a country if you don't understand the culture, don't understand the language, are naked and covered in mayonnaise. Fortunately, the police came by and hit me with a tear gas grenade.

Now that I think of it, it's not really all that funny a story.

James Skippenofsky, Skippy Does It All

I truly detest Skippy.
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