(SNN Washington) Just after September 11, 2001, the Crying Eagle was often seen looking sadly at the downed towers of the World Trade Center, endorsing magnetic yellow ribbons or attacking the patriotism of war protestors. Recently however, things have not been good for the Crying Eagle.

Ironically, the Crying Eagle, or Bernie as his friends call him, posed for his famous photograph almost a year before September 2001, and he wasn’t even sad. “I was doing this photo shoot for a tire company,” Bernie relates. “It turns out I’m sensitive to that stuff they use to make the tires shiny. I was hoping the shoot would be my big break, but they ended up going with another eagle.”

Bernie was then cast as a companion to Keith Richards in Pirates of the Caribbean III, but he left the moving after a personality conflict. “I don’t really want to go into details,” Bernie told us. “Let’s just say that Keith still has a lot of issues to work through, and I wasn’t at a point where I could work with him.” Bernie went on to say that he would be happy to try working with Keith on another project, just not right now.

After the PotC III incident, Bernie has had to take jobs where he can find them. “I went to this dinner with John Ashcroft and he sang to me for fifteen minutes. It was really awkward.”

These days, the cruelty of Hollywood elitists have given Bernie something to really cry about. Movie and commercial deals have dried up and Bernie has been force to move back into the family home. “I guess I’m back to being sort of a carrion eater. But I just see this as a temporary setback. I just keep checking the phone and hoping that someday I will get another shot. Until then, I’m just going to try to keep my beak wet.”

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Monday, May 07, 2007