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Donald Ducks Departure

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, has had his contract renewed in late season negotiations. This will no doubt make many a Republican hawk happy while angering just about everyone else. Despite allegations that Rumsfeld has been mismanaging the war on terror and using steroids, President Bush stood behind the decision, saying Rumsfeld was “the right person at this moment in our history in fighting the war on terror to lead our armed forces.”

Rumsfeld has been mismanaging the war on terror and using steroids

It is hard to argue that Rumsfeld is not the man to rule the Department of Defense. He started working as Secretary of Defense in 1975 under President Ford. He is a master of international politics. He holds PhDs in both Nuclear Physics and Political Science. He fluently speaks 37 languages, including Arabic and Norwegian. He is a world class bowler. He manages his own private terror network that reaches around the world. He is an expert in cryptography. He has won both Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia titles. And Rumsfeld is a friend to children and old people.

Rumsfeld is a friend to children and old people.

Many people assumed that the Secretary was on the chopping block after the Abu Ghraib prison scandal and the unanticipated postwar violence in Iraq. But, George W Bush, never one to listen to his detractors, or best advisors, decided that a heart to heart was the best way to decide the Secretary’s situation. Bush and Rumsfeld met in the oval office about Sec. Rumsfeld’s future. While Bush made comments such as, “Are you SURE that you don’t want to spend more time with your family?” and “Aren’t you feeling a little bored after doing the same old job for 4 years?”, Rumsfeld stared at him with a blank expression. Eventually, Bush gave up and let him keep the job.

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