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Osama bin Laden Appoints Emir, Condemns Election

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Our sources within the CIA are claiming “moderate confidence” that the voice featured on a two minute audio tape is that of Osama bin Laden. The tape kicked off a string of attacks on Iraqi Security Forces and other targets today. The tape named Abu Musab al-Zarqawi as al-Qaida’s leader in Iraq and denounced the elections to be held in January.

Zarqawi gets almost daily press, and as a front line fighter with a clearly anti-American message

The appointment of Zarqawi seemed inevitable. Zarqawi’s insurgency is the biggest, the bloodiest, the most dramatic and the most public. He gets almost daily press, and as a front line fighter with a clearly anti-American message, Zarqawi has a lot to offer bin Laden’s image among the Islamic Community. The alliance with a group that fights against Shiite Muslims, however, remains risky for bin Laden, who wishes to be seen as a global leader.

Accused of masterminding the Iraqi insurgency, Zarqui continues to be quite unpopular in the United States. In addition to his unpopularity with America, he receives frequent emails claiming that his penis size is inadequate. Zarqawi assumes the emails are being sent by the CIA, but the insinuation hurts nonetheless. This vote of confidence from bin Laden is quite a confidence booster for Zarqawi, who is reportedly upset over being condemned to death in his native Jordan and called a "street thug" by Jordanian King Abdullah II. It is quite unlikely that there was an exchange of Christmas cards between Zarqui and Abdullah II.

While building up Zarqui, bin Laden attempted to tear down the Iraqi elections.

While building up Zarqui, bin Laden attempted to tear down the Iraqi elections. In a twist on P. Diddy’s “Vote or Die” campaign, bin Laden has told the people of Iraq to “Vote and Die”. The al-Qaeda leader declared that all those who took part in the January 30 elections were to be “infidels”. This comes as an additional blow to elections that have already seen the pullout of the Sunni Muslim party. The party felt that it was “obliged” to pull out after the refusal of authorities to postpone the elections to ensure broader participation. Colon Powell has publicly stated that Sunni involvement is critical to the success of the election.

So finally, we have a clear vision of Osama bin Laden’s vision. Bin Laden wishes to be seen as a father figure to the global Islamic Community while killing Shiites. He also wants to ensure the freedom and self determination of the people in Iraq by encouraging them to fight instead of vote. He wishes to dial information for phone numbers that could easily be looked up in the book. Finally, he wishes to bankrupt America which is trillions of dollars in debt.


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