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Making the World Safe, One Cheerleader at a Time

Monday, March 21, 2005

(SNN)Al Edwards, Houston area lawmaker, has introduced a bill into the Texas Legislature that would ban “sexually suggestive” dancing from the arsenal with which cheerleaders use to fire up audiences.

Rep. Al Edwards, D-Houston, would ban "sexually suggestive" performances by school dance teams

The bill filed by state Rep. Al Edwards, D-Houston, would ban "sexually suggestive" performances by school dance teams, drill teams and cheerleaders at athletic events or competitions. Edwards claims that he finds rump shaking especially distasteful. Also, the bill would introduce more reasonable standards in cheerleading uniforms. With the chest, midriff, legs, arms and head covered, cheerleaders would no longer be seen as a sex object.

Rep. Edwards is especially surprised that their peers approve of cheerleaders dancing suggestively and scantily clad. "I don't think that children should think that they can do these sexually oriented types of marches or dances," Edwards said Friday. "And that's when they get the most cheering from all the young people in the stands.” Edwards stated he thought that many teenage cheerleaders received too much lenience at home. In the spirit of fairness, Edwards offered to firmly discipline any cheerleader that would “come round to [his] place”.

Edwards stated he thought that many teenage cheerleaders received too much lenience at home.

In addition to closely viewing the suggestive dances of cheerleaders and majorettes at sporting events, Edwards has watched Debbie Does Dallas: The Revenge, Cheerleader Diaries 2, Lesbian Cheerleader Squad 2, Valley Cheerleader Sorority 2, Ripe Cherry Cheerleaders, and Black Cheerleader Search 39, multiple times. After watching countless hours of cheerleader smut, Edwards stands firm in his message, "Let's not have our young girls being exploited this way in our school districts."

In 1995, Al Edwards proposed legislation that would change his legal determination from “human” to “turnip”. In 1989, he proposed allowing the state to amputate the fingers of drug dealers. In 1991, he introduced a bill calling for a statewide vote on allowing corporal punishment of inmates in state prisons, saying that disciplinary measures such as flogging would help rehabilitate prisoners. After the research that he did for this bill, Edwards may be one of the world's foremost experts in flogging.

Editor’s Note:
Thanks to Whymrhymer, who first broke this important story.


Complaints:
Texas is famous for doing things in a "tex-ass" sized way. So why doesn't one of the cow poke community support a counter bill of totally nude cheer leading. I know this would definitely cheer me up and encourage me to attend a few more high school and junior high sporting events. And!!! Texas would probably see an increase in revenue from sporting events. If Texas can kill an American President and execute a heapin' jail house of criminals, then they can handle a little nude cheer leading. Or maybe we have discovered the real truth here: only morally uptight pussies come from Tex-Ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suck on that you Aggie fans!!!!!!!!!
 
Ryan,

LOL!! You certainly took this story to the next level! Loved it!

And thanks for the plug.

(Great comment from "hymen(ohyeah)reaper" -- makes you wonder who has the bigger problem, Rep. Edwards or ol' hymen reaper!)
 
I have no problems, only the disatisfaction that I cannot get a lap dance from a member of the jv pom squad. Doesn't ol' Edwards know that stripping for females is a viable and rewarding career? Instead of a sucky part time job at the local Albertson's , a lucky cheer leader can probably make a bunch of money lap dancing the male students and fathers in the crowd. Of course, we must not forget that Tex-Ass is filled with a bunch of moralistic faires pussyfooting around. What a bunch of crackers second only to Arkansas for being the sodomizers of anything good in America. Give Tex-Ass back to Mexico!!!
 
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