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Rumsfeld: Clearly Misinformed

Thursday, May 26, 2005

(SNN Washington DC) Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld denied reports from the Washington Post. The Washington Post claims two anonymous sources told them that Rumsfeld gave the military permission to shoot down a small plane that violated Washington on May 11.

[The secretary] never gave orders or authority to shoot down the plane.

Rumsfeld disputed accounts of the two anonymous federal officials, yesterday, saying, “It was totally not true.” In Washington, Rumsfeld spokesman Bryan Whitman said, "[The secretary] never gave orders or authority to shoot down the plane." He described the sources as "clearly misinformed."

NewsBlog 5000 staff spoke with an anonymous source who said Rumsfeld had clearly given the order. “He told us to shoot that sucker out of the sky and even giggled a little and went ‘woo hoo’”.

"I don’t think I’ll ever feel safe in Washington again.”
-Sen. Chris Dodd

Washington D.C. has some pretty sophisticated ways of detecting aircraft: Advanced Radar, fighter aircraft, and ground to air missiles. But as events show that this might not be enough, NORAD commanders are considering another option: installment of the controversial TATOO system. Under the TATOO system, radar systems would be replaced by a midget who would run around yelling, “The Plane, The Plane”.

The May 11th airplane incident was described by many Senators as the most frightening thing since Dennis Kucinich savagely beat Senator Rick Santorum last February after overhearing Santorum call him a “gay elf”. “It was brutal,” said Senator Chris Dodd (D-Conn), “I never knew elves could be so violent. I don’t think I’ll ever feel safe in Washington again.”


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