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Michigan Man Still Cares About Jackson

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

(SNN Detroit) On Friday, Jurors began to determine whether Michael Jackson is guilty of molesting a 13 year old cancer survivor. The singer is also accused of plying the boy with alcohol and conspiracy to commit child abduction, false imprisonment and extortion. It is not known how long the jury of eight women and four men will deliberate, but one thing is certain, no one cares anymore.

Beaner took a chance on a $1 tape in the discount bin.

That is, we though no one cared until we met Beaner Hawthorne of Manton, Michigan. Beaner, a part time convenience store employee, fell in love with the music of Jackson when he took a chance on a $1 tape in the discount bin.

Since then, Beaner has been an avid fan. “At first it was songs like ‘Beat It’ and ‘Wanna Be Startin’ Something’ that had me enthralled with Michael, but it was songs like ‘P.Y.T’ and ‘Billie Jean’ that kept me coming back for more,” Beaner intimated to us.

Beaner wanted to fly to California to be near Michael in his time of need, but he had just spent most of his life saving on a new Sony sound system for his trailer park home so that he could hear the Thriller album in SACD. “If I would have known then, I would have saved my money,” Beaner said sadly.

Beaner believes that Jackson is mistreated in the Press.

Beaner believes that Jackson is mistreated in the Press. “When they call him Jacko, it makes him sound like some kind of serial masturbator or sexual deviant,” says Banner. When asked if that meant he was a chronic masturbator or a sexual deviant, Beaner simply said, “No comment.”

Beaner does not believe that Jackson is guilty. “Of course MJ is innocent. Why would the King of Pop, who could have any woman or man he wants, want to sleep with little boys? It makes no logical sense,” he told us. When asked if that meant he would sleep with MJ, Beaner simply said, “No comment.”

Who is Michael Jackson?

-- Badtux the TV-less Penguin
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