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Iraq’s Constitution Shaping up.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

(SNN Baghdad) Iraq’s constitution seems to be shaping up, and should be delivered by the deadline of August 15th despite Sunni Muslim members on Iraq’s constitutional committee suspending their participation Wednesday, sighting security concerns.

Sunni members point to the massive amounts of death threats

While some say that additional security is unnecessary, Sunni members point to the massive amounts of death threats they have received. Additionally, the brutal assassinations of Sunni committee members Mijbil Issa and Dhamin Hussein may have played some small part in their uneasiness.

It gives women all rights and freedoms as long as they don't contradict with our values

Mariam al-Rayyes, a female Shiite member of the committee wanted to calm people’s doubts on the subject of women’s rights. "It gives women all rights and freedoms as long as they don't contradict with our values," al-Rayyes said. "Concerning marriage, inheritance and divorce, this is civil status laws. That should not contradict with religious values." Basically, the Iraqi constitution will afford women all the rights allowed them under Islamic law, which ranks women as more important than some domesticated animals.

Iraq is also making headway in the field of foreign relations. They are planning to bury the hatchet with their longtime foes Iran. Iranian President Mohamed Khatami yesterday hailed a “turning point” in relations with Baghdad as Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari made a historic visit to Tehran aimed at strengthening ties after decades of enmity. In the next two years, the two countries are planned to merge into one larger country named Inaq. Then they will be sued by Steve Jobs.


Complaints:
When you consider that Iranian money elected every current top official in the Iraqi government, it's no wonder they're thinking about merging the two nations into the single nation of Inaq. Unfortunately, there are some logistical problems that are proving difficult. For example, Iranians speak Farsi, the language of ancient Persia. Iraqis speak Arabic. This difference explains many former wars between the two countries when an Iranian says a perfectly normal word in Farsi and an Iraqi thinks the Iranian is insulting his wife. It is unclear how this issue would be solved in the future nation of Inaq, especially since *another* large group of people, common to both countries, speak neither Arabic or Farsi -- the Kurds, of course, speak Kurdish, a Turkik language they brought with them when they migrated from the steppes of central Asia only one step in front of the ravaging Mongol hoardes a thousand years ago, fearing that they would be mixed with whey and eaten for breakfast.

All in all, it appears Inaq will not get off the ground. The first time the President of Iraq says hello to the President of Iran and the President of Iran, thinking he was just insulted, beheads the President of Iraq using his own ceremonial sword, it's likely they'll not be on speaking terms again for a while. Although as long as the Iranians continue to fund every current Iraqi government official... well, you know, they say money is a language all its own, so maybe that'll be enough commonality to keep them very, very friendly for a very long time.

The next issue will be: If Inaq is one country in the Axis of Evil, and North Korea is the other country in the Axis of Evil, who will be the new third member of the Axis of Evil? I suggest The Bahamas. The logistical issues of invading The Bahamas are much simpler than, say, the logistical issues of invading Pakistan. The Bahamian military consists of a few outdated police boats and a few Piper Cubs, so we could get a quick military victory for Dear Leader's successor to gloat about. And the beaches. Oh, the beaches! Yes indeed, The Bahamas would be the *perfect* new member for the Axis of Evil!
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
 
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