(SNN Los Angeles) Sony Pictures is attempting to rewrite the film version of The Da Vinci Code to reduce the offence that the best-selling book caused to Roman Catholics. NewsBlog 5000 has obtained exclusive information in the direction this new thriller is going to take.

NewsBlog 5000 has obtained exclusive information

If you don’t know what the Da Vinci code is about, you should get out from under your rock. Film officials have held talks with Catholic groups and other organizations despite Dan Brown, the author, insisting that “it’s only a novel and therefore a work of fiction”.

The basic plot will be somewhat simplified. The film will star Tom Hanks as Robert “Robby” Langdon, a middle aged man who is sweet but mildly mentally challenged. When he is not sitting on a park bench eating chocolates, Robby owns a fast food restaurant named “Da Vinci’s”. But Da Vinci’s is facing stiff competition from the mega hamburger chain across the street.

Things are going bad for Robby’s business when he finds a cryptic treasure map.

Things are going bad for Robby’s business when he finds a cryptic treasure map. When the worldly, hip-hoppy, teenage restaurant employees manage to decode the map, they discover a secret tunnel under his restaurant. Robby and his employees travel through underground caverns to find a treasure aboard a pirate ship guarded by a gang of crooks.

However, fighting the bad guys in the tunnels has blurred the line between fantasy and reality. Robbie starts having visions and attempts to throw himself off a large building. Robby moves home with his parents, who can stop him from hurting himself. The trendy, worldly teenagers then vow to keep the restaurant going until Robby gets better, and James Brown comes in for a hamburger and ends up singing “The Funky Side of Town” to bring people to Da Vinci’s.

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Friday, August 12, 2005