NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand
 

Bush Creates Hope for Religious Groups

Thursday, August 04, 2005

(SNN Crawford) Monday, during a round-table interview with reporters from five Texas newspapers, President Bush said students should learn about both evolution and intelligent design. This has created a great deal of hope for religious groups hoping to force secular schools to disseminate their message.

President Bush has always been a great believer in the power of faith.

President Bush has always been a great believer in the power of faith. His complex philosophy of life says that belief can move mountains, change the course of a war, or invalidate a drug test. "He truly believes he's on a mission from God. Absolute faith like that overwhelms a need for analysis. The whole thing about faith is to believe things for which there is no empirical evidence", says Bruce Bartlett, a Reagan advisor and former treasury official.

In his interview Bush said that people should be exposed to new ideas, no matter how ridiculous. "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," Mr Bush said. "You're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, the answer is yes."

These words of encouragement have invigorated a movement to teach students about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who created the world, the trees, a mountain and a midget from his Noodly Appendages. This has also given comfort the followers of the Personal Jesus movement, started in the early nineties by prophets calling themselves the Depeche Mode. Another group who fell emboldened by this message from Bush is the Cult of the Fu. The Cult of the Fu believes that they Earth was created by an invisible man with a long white beard, and that you must obey this man’s wishes or your soul will burn in eternal fire.

Editor's Note: Additional Resources
Flying Spaghetti God
The Holy Depeche Mode Writings


Complaints:
That is unbelievably priceless, Dr. Maynard. I was laughing for a good five minutes. Kudos.
 
I might point out that all of these religious beliefs are heresies. There is only One True Religion, Tuxology, which argues that the Great Penguin created the universe and all in it some 5,000,000,000 years ago, then created penguins in His image. Tuxology is unusual amongst major religions in that Tuxology not only tolerates evolution, but *requires* it, since Tuxology holds that Mankind is but a devolved version of the Creator's perfect creature, penguins.

If you want more information, please feel free to stop by one of our Ice Cathedrals (located in every major city!) and partake of the Sacrament of the Herring. Remember, the path to perfect health, happiness, and wealth leads through your inner penguin. Join Tuxology today!

- Badtux the Tuxologist Penguin
 
PS: Tuxology also holds that the world is flat. We have copious scientific evidence in support of our theory of geography. We request -- nay, INSIST -- that our theory of geography be taught alongside that heretical "round earth" theory!

- Badtux the Tuxologist Penguin
 
More assholes.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link