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The finger on the invisible hand

Go Ask Alice

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?


I have developed a fetish that may be a little out of the ordinary. I like to go to gas stations that are only open for pay-at-the-pump. I then pretend to be a full service attendant. If anyone asked about the station being closed, I tell them that I have just closed up for the night and can only take credit cards. Lately, after I get done pumping their gas, I have wanted to stick my penis in. What I want to know is, are there any health dangers?

Melvin K


I don't think that's a good idea. Gasoline can cause pretty serious skin irritation. You may try to use a condom, but even then, I imagine that the gasoline would quickly dissolve the condom. Under No Condition should you attempt to smoke afterwards. You may also want to be aware that you are most probably breaking local indecency laws.



My fiancé and I are due to be married next year. We have been thinking of abstaining from sex for one month before the event. Do you have any advice for us?

Susan T


You seem to be a bit of a cold fish. Let me key you in to something. Relationships can not function or be healthy without sex. While most marriages go through periods of abstaining from sex, it is usually during the months before and after childbirth. During this time, most men are driven insane and finally begin to have sex with many anonymous women. If you want to abstain from sex before you are married, you should probably be prepared for this to happen.



A guy told a friend of mine that the original Buddhists to move to China from India didn't believe in suppressing desire. He said that they practiced a ritual during which the Dalai Lama would procreate with a virgin in order to achieve enlightenment and the virgin would hallucinate and the monks and nuns would also attain enlightenment. Is there any truth to this?

Ivan T


That is absolutely true.


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