Editor's Note: America can look forward to Summer
Friday, July 14, 2006
Israel is starting World War III and gas prices are about to skyrocket. While the rest of the world can look forward to a summer of being bombed, a lot of people in the United States may be looking forward to staying in this summer.
However, there is good news for those who are going without a summer vacation this summer. Sun River Systems, Inc. has created HeatSeek, a web browser focused entirely on surfing for porn. HeatSeek can encrypt and categorize all your pornography while trying to make you free from popups and spyware.
You have to use a username and password just to open HeatSeek. If you minimize it, you need to retype your username and password to reopen it. So while someone may see HeatSeek in your taskbar, they will not be able to casually determine that you are looking at guys. You sicko.
So even if you can't exercise your constitutional right to drive around for no reason, you can entertain yourself at home. And thanks to Israel's hate and fear of the entire rest of the world and the advantageous release of this new web browser, 2006 will be known as the Summer of Self Love.
Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000
