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The finger on the invisible hand

Jung Il Afraid of other World Leaders

Thursday, July 06, 2006

(SNN Pyongyang) Leader of North Korea, Kim Jung Il has started an aggressive missile testing program. Kim has said that he considers the testing necessary of the survival of North Korea. The test come at the same time as news of President Bush's fecal collection and Vladimir Putin's snuggling a five year old.

A travel potty is demonstrated by a five year old.

Australian papers are reporting that during a recent visit to Vienna, President Bush's bodily excretions were labeled top secret. The President used a special travel potty, and his excretions were shipped to Ramstein Air Base.

While some people claim that these types of programs are unnecessary, there is good cause for concern. The CIA was reported to have collected waste samples from Ugandan President-dictator Yoweri Museveni's toilet when he visited Washington. This simple fact goes more towards explaining the American intelligence gathering services than any previously revealed.

Meanwhile, Russian President Vladimir Putin caused controversy by kissing the stomach of a five year old. When asked about the incident, Putin said, "I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten and that desire of mine ended in that act." No one knows what that means.

So Kim Jung Il has started randomly shooting missiles at the rest of the world. Kim has said that he will stop firing missiles when "things start to make sense again." Candidly, Kim told us, "I have often been called crazy, but I don't bottle my crap. And five year olds? Putin needs therapy."

Correction 1:
That girl is not yet five years old.

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