Skippy Stops the Presses
Friday, September 15, 2006
I have to start this week's Skippy Does it All with an apology. It is my fault that there was no NewsBlog 5000 for Thursday Sept. 14. Usually when a lapse like this occurs, it is due the the whim of Dr. Maynard. I am truly sorry for this.
It all started a couple weeks ago, when I went to pick up my wife Bunny at here second job. During the day, she is a senior editor here at NewsBlog 5000. But in the evening, she is a dancer at an upscale gentleman's club.
Visiting the club that night was Oliver Templeton, the richest man in Wichita, Kansas. Templeton offered me $1 million dollars to sleep with Bunny. I turned him down. Bunny told me that she would not need a ride that night as she was going out with a couple of the girls.
I thought that was the end of it, but then I noticed Bunny making a few purchases that made me concerned, a mink coat, a Porsche, and a diamond necklace. It was when she bought a Korean girl, Shin, just to do her nails that I became suspicious. Technically, we adopted her. I thought it took a long time to adopt someone, but apparently thousands of dollars can speed the process.
I had long suspected Bunny of having affairs with other men. It was Wednesday night in the NewsBlog 5000 offices that this all came to a head. I accused Bunny of sleeping with Templeton. She flat out told me that she had and asked me how I though we got by, as I do not make a salary.
Bunny was standing next to Alice Humbees's desk, and started throwing Alice's extensive collection of “love toys” at people in the office. Dr. Maynard tried to stop her, but she knocked him out with a 16” rubber penis. Dr. Maynard is all right, but he has a bruise in a very embarrassing shape.
Subsequently, we did not get a story out yesterday, and it is, in part, my fault.
Yesterday, we met with divorce attorneys and it looks like Bunny will get almost everything we own, as she has been our primary breadwinner. However, I will get custody of Shin.
James Skippenofsky, Skippy Does it All