NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Go Ask Alice

Friday, December 10, 2004

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?


My husband is a fat, lazy slob. He doesn’t help around the house at all. All he does is sit around, eat chips and watch previous year’s super bowls. What should I do?

Celia H

My husband is a fat, lazy slob.


You definitely have a problem. As, an employee of NewsBlog 5000, I can’t recommend anything dangerous or illegal. But, I have heard stories of women having luck with getting their husbands hooked on Methamphetamine. They say that their houses have never been cleaner, and their husbands easily shed those unwanted pounds. If you try this method, which I have not suggested, you may find that your husband’s teeth fall out. Don’t worry, denture technology has really come around in recent years.


he is starting to share information on the health of his colon.


I have a friend who is always sharing too much information. This wouldn’t be as big a problem, but he has a weblog. On his weblog, he posts explicit love letters to his girlfriend and frank opinions about his close friends (including me). Now he is starting to share information on the health of his colon. A recent posting was titled “I’m constipated” and had a picture of him with his cheeks puffed out and a strained forehead.” How can I tell him that he had gone too far with his blogging.

Jim W


Your friend may be over sharing, but that’s his right. Share your concerns, but make it clear that no matter what he decides, he is still your friend. No matter what he decides to do, you can at least be happy that he’s not posting pictures of his penis. If he starts this, you may want to tell him that you have reversed your statement about him still being your friend… unless you like that sort of thing.


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