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Go Ask Alice

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Are you sick with those bland syndicated advice columns? Alice Humbees has got the pill for you. Would you like to Go Ask Alice?

Alice

My boyfriend is smart, funny, good looking and sensitive. All my girlfriends tell me he is a perfect catch. But lately, we have had a problem. To start off, he has quite large “equipment”. At first, I was impressed, but the fascination quickly wore off. Secondly, he is insatiable. We end up having sex ten or more times a week, and I am sure that he wants more. I feel like if I can’t give him the sex he needs, he might leave me.

Denise H

DH

You are right to be worried. Very often good relationships go bad over sex. While I would like to tell you that only you can decided when you should have sex, your problem is a tricky one. I would like to give you advice on this issue, but it’s really your boyfriend that I need to talk to. While I am not a licensed therapist, I think I could help him. If possible, I would like to arrange to speak to him alone, possibly for multiple face to face sessions. I think this would be the best way to get a handle on the size of his problem.

Alice.

Alice

I think my gaydar is broken. I always end up hitting on the only straight guys in a gay bar. I even have trouble convincing guys in clubs that I am gay. Recently, I asked a male coworker from another department for some drinks after work. I’d seen him around and we even had had a short conversation in the gym we get discount memberships to. I was thrilled when he said yes. Now, I was absolutely sure that everyone in the office knew that I was gay. I met him at the end of the day, and he had two of his mates from his department with him. We ended up going to a sports bar, eating chicken wings, and watching football highlights. What is a boy to do?

David B

DB

Have you ever considered that maybe you are not a homosexual? I know this may come as a shock, but you ended up in a sports bar watching football? While I have no firsthand knowledge of gaydar, I think you should see a glimmer in the eye or a slight glow to anyone who is gay. If you don’t see this, you probably aren’t gay at all. Maybe you should even consider settling down with some nice girl.

Alice

Alice

I have a friend who is a terrible re-gifter. This Christmas was the worst. I never even saw him open a present. I know he is shamelessly giving the gifts I give him to someone else. If you ask him to open one in front of you, he will make up some lame excuse. It would be too embarrassing to stop buying him presents. What should I do?

Gary T

GT

If you really want to make sure he looks at your gift, give it to him without wrapping it. I know it probably goes against your nature, but a little rudeness on your part is acceptable considering his behavior. If it were me, I would give him something really embarrassing, like a sex toy. Or possibly give him an empty box with something heavy in it like a piece of wood. He should get the message.

Alice


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