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The finger on the invisible hand

Understanding Problems between China and Japan

Sunday, April 17, 2005

(SNN Beijing) Today marked the third weekend of anti-Japanese protests in China. This time, tensions have been fueled over Japan’s drilling in contested waters. In some places protesters went as far as to attack Japanese restaurants for not properly cooking their fish.

Prime Minister Koizumi Junichiro stands 169cm (5’5”) tall.

Tensions were sparked by Japan’s approval of a history textbook that critics say plays down Japanese military abuses such as the forced wartime prostitution of thousands of Asian women as “fraternity pranks”. Chinese protestors believe that the Japanese need to deeply meditate on the importance of history, whilst Chinese demonstrators pelt them with rocks and bottles.

On Wednesday, North Korea, an ally of China, added its voice to criticism of the new Japanese textbooks. “This betrays philistinism peculiar to Japan, a vulgar and shameless political dwarf.” It should be noted for the record that Prime Minister Koizumi Junichiro stands 169cm (5’5”) tall. Also, PM Koizumi should not be confused with the political elf, Dennis Kucinich.

Also on Wednesday, Japan announced that it had started exploring gas production facilities in a disputed section of the East China Sea. This is expected to cause friction over Japan's ambitions for a seat on the UN Security council. Premier Wen Jiabao said that Tokyo wasn't ready for a Security Council seat until it faced up to its history of aggression.

Fortunately, this friction between nations can most probably be solved without bloodshed. Using the traditional method for deciding differences in Asia, China and Japan will both produce a giant robot. The robots will then be blessed by Buddhist monks. The Japanese robot will be piloted by a teenage boy, and the Chinese by a large breasted young woman. Whichever country’s robot is left standing will be considered the victor, but that country will also learn a powerful lesson about the foibles of war and the honor of compassion to one’s enemies. The two young pilots will then join together to fight Russia’s giant bear-like mecha.

I want a seat at that Robot war (if possible, right next to the large-brested Chineese girl)! Otherwise I'll just have to wait for the HBO Special.
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