(SNN Carpentaria) There’s a lot to find offensive about Paris Hilton: she makes more in a day than most people make in a year for being “simple” and she stands as a symbol for the generational rich at it’s most hedonistic. But the Carl Jr. commercial should be seen not as obscene but absurd.

The commercial is absurd for two reasons. First of all, if Paris Hilton were to ever eat a full spicy six dollar burger, she would no doubt go into some kind of shock from the overload to her system and possibly die. Also, there is no doubt in my mind that Paris Hilton has never had to wash a car.

Carl Jr. would not speak to Newsblog 5000, but a spokesman for Carl said, "Paris was chosen to star in the ad because she is an intriguing cultural icon and the 'it girl' of the moment. She fascinates Carl's Jr.'s most loyal customers, 'young, hungry guys,' as well as 'young, hungry gals.' "

The ad "meets the exact definition of pornography,” says Tim Winter, the executive director of the Parents Television Council (PTC), a broadcast-decency group. “Families shouldn’t have to be subjected to that.” Now I don’t know if Mr. Winter has seen much pornography, but as someone who has a studio in his basement and been an extra in a few pornographic films, I can assure Mr. Winter that the commercial is not pornographic.

Maybe Mr. Winter has never seen this, but where I come from, throughout the summer you can spend 5, 10, sometimes 20 dollars to get a nubile teenage girl, in a bikini, to wash your car. Sometimes, they are raising money for new cheerleading uniforms, sometimes for a senior trip. But I can attest that they will wash your car just as badly as I’m sure Paris did. I suggest Tim Winter go to one of these car washes and offer them an extra $20 to polish his knob, which he obviously desperately needs if he was titillated to pornographic levels by a soapy girl in a one piece bathing suit.

Carl Jr. would not speak to Newsblog 5000

On the other hand, I’m pretty sure Mr. Winter has seen these carwashes. But he is using Paris Hilton just like Carl Jr. He is using her sex to sell his product of outraged indignation. The only difference between Carl Jr. and Winter is that Carl Jr. fairly paid for Paris’s time and to run the commercials and Carl Jr. is honest about how it is selling its product.

I will never forgive Tim Winter. He made me cross a line I said I would never cross. He made me feel a tiny, tiny amount of sympathy for Paris Hilton.

James Skippenofsky, Opinions

posted by NewsBlog 5000  # Saturday, May 28, 2005