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Frist Ponders the Meaning of Life

Saturday, July 30, 2005

(SNN Washington) Yesterday, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn) announced that he would support legislation allowing the federal government to finance backing of stem cell research, breaking position with President Bush.

Frist has often been seen as someone who would never break step with the Republican position.

Frist’s announcement was given during a speech to the Senate. This surprised many as Frist has often been seen as someone who would never break step with the Republican position. "The limitations put in place in 2001 will, over time, slow our ability to bring potential new treatments for certain diseases," Frist said. "Therefore, I believe the president's policy should be modified." Frist said he would back legislation allowing the government to fund research using embryonic stem cells no matter when they were created.

This sudden change of position has led many to speculate that perhaps one of Frist’s loved ones or maybe Frist himself has recently been diagnosed with some sort of disease for which stem cells may someday create a cure. Others think that perhaps Frist has decided to adopt a more moderate and widely accepted view in taking a shot at the 2008 presidential race.

Frist said he would back legislation allowing the government to fund research

However, NewsBlog 5000 has obtained some exclusive insight into the man named Bill Frist that we will now share with you. These excerpts are believed to be from Frist’s diary, which were obtained by NewsBlog 5000 consultants. The following passage clearly shows the mind of a man with doubts.

How could I have been so wrong about Terry Schiavo? She looked aware to me. I even said it in front of Congress. Wow, that was dumb. What if I’m wrong about a lot of things that I think I’m right about. I mean, that one time I told that guy he could get AIDS from tears. What was I thinking? What if a lot of things I thing about are wrong? What if cat is really spelled D-O-G? Did CCR really sing ‘there’s a bathroom on the right’? What if W. is really not all that bright? And what about that whole stem cell thing. All the religious conservatives say it is wrong, but a majority of the American people say it’s ok and may even be helpful. I’m a doctor. Shouldn’t I have my own opinion? What if those guys really don’t know what God’s thinking? What if there is no God? And if there is a God, who are they to know his mind. What if God was spelled D-O-G? And if a majority of the American people wants something, as their representative, shouldn’t I vote for them instead of pandering to the interests of religious extremists? And for that matter, where were all those weapons of mass destruction? This is just too heavy. I think I’m going to go smoke some weed and watch cartoons.


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