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Stoners Want End to War

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

(SNN Detroit) While a lot of attention has been given to America’s desire to end the war in Iraq, people tend to forget that we are fighting two wars. In addition to the War on Terror, we are still fighting the War on Drugs.

According to the federal government, Olaf is an enemy of America

First you need to look at the money. The United States government is involved in a war against its own people. This war has cost the American taxpayer $32 billion this year alone and money keeps being spent at the rate of $600 per second.

Stanley Olaf is like many of us. He goes to his job and works hard. He enjoys gardening. He wonders if he should buy that new car. But according to the federal government, Olaf is an enemy of America. Olaf is a stoner.

Olaf uses marijuana when he doesn’t have to work. “On my days off, I wake and bake,” says Olaf. “That’s when you smoke a fatty before breakfast.” Olaf doesn’t seem to think that marijuana harms society. “Well, they say that I’m hurting like children,” Olaf says, “but I’ve never smoked up with any kids. So that’s cool.”

Olaf takes a dim view on the War on Drugs, specifically the prohibition against marijuana. “I mean, it grows naturally here, right. So, it’s like dog shit.” We asked Olaf to clarify. “Well, if you find dog poop on your lawn, are you the one that pooped? Sometimes shit just happens. It’s not like we can shove a cork in every dog’s ass. That’s just going to piss off the dog.”

Betty Swanson is president of SPAM

But many people believe marijuana should be illegal. Betty Swanson is president of SPAM, Sensible People Against Marijuana. She believes that marijuana should be illegal. “Marijuana is a dangerous drug and should be illegal,” Swanson told us. Swanson gave a summary of why she though marijuana was dangerous. “Marijuana is illegal,” Swanson told us.

Others point to the War on Terror actually being a hindrance to the War on Drugs. They point to the 300% growth poppy production in Afghanistan as a sign that America is not doing its job. However, President Bush addressed this in a recent press conference. “I mean, poppies grow naturally there, right. So, it’s like dog shit. If you find dog poop on your lawn, are you the one that pooped? Sometimes shit just happens. It’s not like we can shove a cork in every dog’s ass. That’s just going to piss off the dog.”


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