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Bush: “I Take Responsibility”

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

(SNN Washington) President Bush, on Tuesday, took responsibility on Tuesday for any failures in the response of the federal government to Hurricane Katrina. The President admitted to “serious problems in our response capability.”

This marks the biggest mistake the Bush Presidency has made yet. Part of the reason Bush’s followers like him is that he claims to never make mistakes. At this rate, some may lose their faith in Bush to run the country or even deliver them to heaven.

However, Bush has left himself an out. While he has said that he will take responsibility for any bad things that have happened, he did not say that he would accept any blame or punishment for them. It may even be possible that the non-3rd party commission set up to find mistakes in disaster recovery effort will find that the federal government was the only agency doing things right.

The admission of responsibility has emboldened the Bush-as-android camp. The Bush-as-android people believe that President Bush actually died after choking on a pretzel in January of 2002, and was replaced by an android similar to the one that was used to replace Dick Cheney in 1998. However, the theory goes, 2002 was a bad year for hard drives, and the president’s brain is slowly crashing, causing him to act more erratically and making his ability to speak increasingly inadequate. While not many subscribe to the Bush-as-android theory, it would go a long way towards explaining the President’s deathly fear of magnets.


Complaints:
He's such an asshole.
 
Then there is the Bush-as-puppet theory. The hump on his back, they theorize, is a puppet master, a symbiote which controls his nervous system. The erratic speech, the clumsiness people say they saw last week, etc., that's all explainable by this theory.

Or he's just an idiot asshole from Texas. Whatever theory floats your boat!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
 
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