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Cannibals Warned to Stay away from New Orleans

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

(SNN Baton Rouge) With perhaps thousands of bodies floating in the flooded streets, New Orleans must be looking good to a small class of Americans that we usually don’t think about: the cannibals. Mayor Ray Nargin said today that all cannibals not involved in the rescue effort should leave.

While any modern, educated cannibal will know that dead bodies tend not to be toxic, as most viruses or bacteria dies after a few hours in a dead body, there is a much more dangerous aspect to pulling bodies out of New Orleans murky waters: the water itself.

With water still covering eighty percent of the city, it is full of dead bodies, raw sewage, fuel and rust, forming a thin slick that coats the floodwater. And as workers pump out cleaner areas of water, the resulting sludge will only get thicker and more dangerous.

Mayor Ray Nargin said today that all cannibals not involved in the rescue effort should leave.

In addition to the toxic sludge coating the water, E. coli and bacteria from raw sewage and rotting corpses are also increasing the toxicity of the water. If consumed, the water could cause death. Wading or floating in the water will likely cause rashes and festering sores.

Cannibals should also be reminded that the vast majority of the bodies will be those of old people, or bodies that have been dead for several days and will have lost their flavor. As an alternative, authorities are suggesting that cannibals try the Taco Bell Chicken Quesadilla, which also tastes like death.


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