Editor's Note – Hell on Earth
Saturday, September 10, 2005
It has been a long couple of weeks here at NewsBlog 5000, as we strived to bring you the latest up to date information on the Katrina disaster. While initially some criticized us for not being able to respond quickly, we were all on vacation, and it was difficult for us to get up to date information whilst attending the Star Trek marathon hosted by James Skippenofsky's friend Frank.
The information reported on this blog is just a fraction of what has been coming to us from our sources. James Skippenofsky attempted valiantly to sift through the data. James has not showered in ten days, although that has nothing to do with the disaster.
We have all been trying to do our part. Alice Humbees auctioned off our company vehicle, NewsGalaxy 500, on eBay. And I suspended my company lunches for an entire week. It is certain that the American Red Cross will be able to use that extra $50 from NewsGalaxy 500 and $400 from my lunches. Next week, Bunny Delicious is going to get a local bakery to donate a dozen erotic cakes, and hold a special bake sale at the gentlemen's club where she moonlights.
On a personal note, I must send special thanks out to Colin Powell. Gen. Powell corroborated a theory advanced early this week in this publication that George Bush doesn't hate black people per se; it's just that he hates poor people, and many black people are poor. Although he has a very silly name, I have always believed that Powell is a good man.
I hope all of you, our readers, are safe and well and doing your part.
Dr. Ryan Maynard, editor