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The finger on the invisible hand

Skippy Donates Sperm

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

This week on Skippy Does it, I decided to become a sperm donor. I have been told that I should not always depend on my hetero life partner Frank to find my assignments, so this week I asked my wife, Bunny Delicious.

Bunny put me into contact with Fred Muscawitz, an agent who manages several of the performers at the gentlemen’s club where she works. Fred arranged for me to visit a local fertility clinic. Because the clinic did not really wish for publicity on this particular aspect of their business, I went on a Sunday and was let in the back door by a doctor, whom I will call Tony.

I asked Tony if he would be asking me questions, and he said, “Well, I suppose so.” He took me into an office and searched for a few minutes for a form. He then asked me several rather invasive questions about my life.

I really have to thank Dr. Tony for helping me out with this story. It was obvious that he was definitely in a weekend frame of mind as he stumbled over many of the medical words on the questionnaire he was reading. After a brief time, he told me that he had enough answers and that we would not have to fill out the rest of the form, as most of the later questions were just simply for office use.

Then Tony took me to a room with a big easy chair and a selection of pornographic magazines and DVDs, and told me to “start spanking it”. Dr. Tony went over to the sink and took a Dixie cup from a holder their, and told me to “shoot your wad into this.”

I assumed that his unprofessional demeanor was to put me at ease. Although, I must admit, I would have been a lot more at ease if Tony wouldn’t have stayed to watch, offer to help, and offer to “return the favor”. When I was done, he gave me $20 cash, and told me to call later for my lab results.

I really have to admire the selflessness of the doctors in fertility clinics. It was obvious to me that Dr. Tony was not making a fortune in that line of work. As I sat in my car taking notes of my experiences, I saw Dr. Tony lock up the back door. He was wearing overalls and got into a van belonging to a local janitorial service.

James Skippenofsky, Skippy Does It All

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The Sperm Donor co-writer
Mark Treitel

I find your level of shameless self promotion inspirational.
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