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New Federal Plan for New Orleans Unveiled

Thursday, September 01, 2005

(SNN Shreveport) In a surprise speech today, President Bush and Attorney General Albeto Gonzales unveiled a new plan to rebuild devastated New Orleans, which will include a new, sturdier sea wall.

The seawall will be twenty feet high and covered in loops of razor wire.

The city will have to be evacuated for a short time in order to complete construction quickly. The seawall will be twenty feet high and covered in loops of razor wire. When construction is complete, all people who do not meet President Bush’s strict moral code will be sent there to live for the rest of their lives. There will also be a short minefield surrounded by towers with sharpshooters.

A terrorist will invade the dreams of one of the President’s daughters

Unfortunately, in 2013, a terrorist will invade the dreams of one of the President’s daughters and brainwash her into stealing a doomsday device from a weapons establishment and take it to the city. By that time, the city will be a decaying cesspool of scum and weirdoes, much like it is today. The President will then employ Snake Plissken to wade through New Orleans ruined landmarks.

The President will give Snake a deadly poison and tell him that he has 9 hours to find the doomsday device and get the President’s daughter out of New Orleans. During that time, Snake will visit the French Quarter - now a hive of prostitution play clarinet in a funeral parade, and play a deadly game of football in the Superdome. But will he be able to find the doomsday device in time?


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