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Skippy Didn't Do It

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Each week on Skippy Does It All, I try to do something interesting that our readers can relate to. But some weeks, I don't manage to produce a column. Why do you ask? Well sometimes things do not always go so well.

Take one of my first assignments. I wanted to go to a Sci Fi convention with Captain Kirk himself, Bill Shatner. I can not stress enough how important it is to find a recent biography before you meet a celebrity. I did find out one thing though. I think Kirk could have easily won all those fights on the Enterprise. Shatner has a vicious right hook.

If you think a hospital has problems and you want to do an expose, checking yourself in for a kidney transplant is NOT a good idea.

People also do not take it well when you show up on their doorstep and claim they are your birth parents.

Sometimes, the weather can get in the way. When hurricane Katrina hit, I was spending a week riding in a patrol car with a friend of mine on the NOPD. My friend decided that it was time for an early retirement, but I did get a plasma screen TV out of the deal.

On a few occasions, I have had to turn down opportunities for a Skippy Does It All because I am no longer allowed to travel to Canada. I should say for the record that I did not end up in the Maple Leafs' locker room naked on purpose. Nor, when I fled security, did I expect to find my way on to the ice.

Under no conditions should one attempt to become a street performer in Newark.

Also, it is important to note that if you go hunting, sneaking up on the camp wearing a bear costume is not only considered not funny, but actually constitutes a reason for your fellow hunters to open fire.

James Skippenofsky, Skippy Does It All

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