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SNN Predicts RadioShack Fall

Saturday, February 18, 2006

(SNN New York) Last month, the Sincmil News Network ran a story about the imminent demise of RadioShack based on the haunting of a Canadian store by a talking pedometer. Now it seems that time is come.

RadioShack shares lost almost 8% in afternoon trading

The consumer-electronics retailer announced a new plan that includes the closing of 400 to 700 stores. This is to make up for low quarterly profits caused by a switch of wireless providers. RadioShack shares lost almost 8% in afternoon trading on the New York Stock Exchange. Fourth quarter earnings fell $49.5 million.

Recently residents of Cleveland had to go without a RadioShack

With the closing of up to 700 stores, many fear that someone may have to drive further than 20 minutes to get to a RadioShack. Recently residents of Cleveland had to go without a RadioShack, as a RadioShack had grown so large that it had to be split into three smaller RadioShack's. This left a five city block radius without a convenient RadioShack for twelve days.

RadioShack stores that are likely to be shut down include RadioShacks that are within a 50 foot radius of other RadioShacks, RadioShacks in the towns so small that the only inhabitants work at RadioShack, and RadioShack kiosks that are located within other RadioShacks.

The SNN office in Burnaby attempted to contact the talking pedometer which predicted the downfall of the chain. The RadioShack in question was surrounded by a dark cloud of dread which could not be penetrated. However the correspondent sent to the store said that he could hear through the cloud maniacal, mechanical laughter followed by the words, "You have walked 23 steps."

Damn, you mean there won't be a radioshack for every starbucks anymore? At least, Walmart is trying to reach a parity to starbucks, parasitic fuckers they both are.
23 skidoo
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