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DeLay Still in the Race

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

(SNN Sugar Land) Despite his indictment, Texas Representative Tom DeLay still easily won his primary yesterday. Despite his landslide victory, DeLay gave up almost 40% of the vote of his most loyal followers to challengers.

Currently, even odds are being given as to whether DeLay will be able to keep his seat, a seat he would have been forced to give up long ago if not for a last minute House ethics change.

Quick Fact

Connection to DeLay is now the chief metric used in determining Congressional corruption.

DeLay's strategy may seem bold but it is definitely paying off. Where compatriots like Duke Cunningham have quietly stepped down and went to prison, DeLay continues to insist that he has done nothing wrong and the multiple times he has been found guilty of ethical violations by his own party and connections with super lobbyist Jack Abramoff are merely liberal plots. No matter how many times he sold out the country for personal gain, he is the real victim.

Also, in order to win his election, DeLay has stated that his Democratic competitor Nick Lampson is in league with the Devil and Barbara Streisand. While this statement would seem ludicrous to anyone with a sliver of a brain, it counts as a brilliant strategy in Texas. DeLay has also promised to once and for all bring in the notorious Duke brothers.

As the election progresses, it will shape up to be an interesting footnote for future generations to look back on. It is not only likely that DeLay will win while under indictment, but it is likely he will still exert control over the nation and win his next term while giving sexual favors in prison. But DeLay will be in good company, as 1 in 3 people in Texas are in prison already. At least for once, he will be happy.


Complaints:
One can only hope that while in prison, he will learn to take it up the ass as he has so frequently given it to others. Particularly, the American public. What an asshole.
 
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