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The finger on the invisible hand

Israeli Attacks Could mean Trouble for US

Thursday, June 29, 2006

(SNN Bethlehem) US news agencies reported a respite in the pressure between Israel and Hamas, after Apache attack helicopters and military planes fired on targets in the Gaza Strip.

These attacks come at a precarious time for the United States. Most A-list reporters are already taking long weekends for the Fourth of July. This leaves most of the news over the weekend will be written by unpaid interns, that are probably stoned.

Brit Hume's show on Fox News Channel addressed the weapons. However, Hume was not on the show. Hume was replaced temporarily by a dead tuna, used in a sock-puppet style by Geraldo Rivera. Originally, the tuna did not look much like Hume. However, it took on his trademark pallor after a week of "ripening".

Fortunately, the seriousness of today's events was not missed by Larry King, who decided to interview Star Jones. In Larry's characteristically balanced manner, he diligently read ABC's side of the story.

C-Span, known for their lack of commentary and ability to just present the facts, played a fascinating synopsis of the Supreme Court Case "Hamdan v. Rumsfeld". Judge John Stevens tozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Sorry, I fell asleep on my keyboard.

Fortunately Keith Doberman really woke me up when he went down to Oklahoma to watch a bunch of rednecks shoot automatic weapons. It was kind of loud though. Wow, this is just like Saving Private Ryan. But there aren't any Nazis. Oh, wait, scratch that.

Ok, so I was writing a new story and ended up watching TV. Wasn't weird how I fell asleep on my Z key. Maybe that's how they came up with it. Oh, and I am stoned.

An unpaid, uncredited intern.

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