NewsBlog 5000
The finger on the invisible hand

Editor's Note: Rush Hard with a Vengeance

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

First of all, I'd like to apologize for once again hijacking NewsBlog 5000. But once again, there is an item circulating in the liberal media to which I have to respond.

I speak, of course, of my good friend Rush Limbaugh, who was detained yesterday at Palm Beach International Airport. According to the medianistas, Rush had a bottle of Viagra, but no prescription. Many liberals have also pointed out that the Dominican Republic, Rush's destination, is a country known for sex tourism.

Now let me stop you right there. Sex tourism implies that Rush was going to the Dominican Republic to pay little boys for sex. This is just not the truth. Children around the world love Rush. And Rush has never had to pay to have sex with little boys.

In addition, people are saying that because Rush had a whole bottle of Viagra, he might have trouble getting an erection. While this may be a problem amongst many conservative men, Rush's erection is between him and the little boys who he mercilessly plows. And for the record, just because Rush is found with some drugs doesn't mean that he actually needs them.

Dr. Ryan Maynard, Editor, NewsBlog 5000

Are you nuts? Rush has a pill problem and you want to condone that. What is up with you conservatives? If we abuse drugs, undertake a thirty year war to arode our rights. If YOU take drugs, act like it's altoids and everyone is stupid for making a big deal.

You're just self-empowered sewer of the hypocrisy.
Whoa, hold on a minute. Rush is, indeed, a big fat lying ANUS LUNCH BOX (although, I'm not sure what that means . . . ). Maynard may be a bit of a hypocrit, sometimes an asshole, sometimes even -- perhaps -- a drug abuser, but my God, he is not by any measure impotent. Oh, wait, uh, did I misunderstand this posting? Oh my, well, as Emile Littele would say, "Never mind".
I understand that Bill O'Reilly confessed on today's All Spin Zone that Rush was actually bringing the Viagra into the country for him, and that the whole arrest thing was just an overzealous prosecutor who hates America. I mean, c'mon. Enforcing the law against a Republican is just *TREASON*! Laws only apply to Democrats!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
PS: My word is hyoofgw. Hmm, is that what Bill says when the Viagra starts taking effect and his little soldier salutes?
Well, I heard all those opiates can make you impotent.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link