Building a Better Bush
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Something happened between the 2000 and the 2004 elections. Moderate Governor George W. Bush of Texas was replaced with an arch-conservative who seemed similar in appearance only. Though we are too late for the election, we at NewsBlog 5000 have been working diligently on this story, and we think we can come up with an answer.
Rove had a mysterious dream in early 2001
The answer is simple, Karl Rove happened. There are rumors that this evil mastermind, Rove, had a mysterious dream in early 2001. After that dream, Rove put together the nefarious Cabal of Bush Rebuilding Agents, or CoBRA. There are reports of Rove and CoBRA visiting tombs all over the world: Napoleon, Vlad the Impaler, Sun Zu, Ghangis Khan, Montezuma, Alexander the Great, Ivan the Terrible. But why did he visit all these tombs? When you think of what all these men have in common that could help Bush’s reelection? The answer is now quite clear: their DNA. If we are correct, Rove took this DNA, along with the DNA of 80s wrestler Sgt. Slaughter, and genetically enhanced Bush.
We must ask ourselves, has Rove gone too far? Can even Rove, the CoBRA commander, control this new super president?