Bush Vows to Confront Poverty, Injustice
Friday, September 16, 2005
(SNN Washington) Today, President Bush pled for America to "renew our promise as a land of equality and decency." The President not only avowed his intentions to eliminate the poverty of the victims of Katrina, but he said that he would single handedly lead the endeavor.
President Bush pled for America to "renew our promise as a land of equality and decency."
The President has proposed his intentions to single handedly conquer the horrors of poverty and inequity. He has decided the best way to do this is to don a pair of tights and cape and conquer poverty in the gulf region. "As we clear away the debris of a hurricane, let us also clear away the legacy of inequality," Bush said.
Many black leaders criticized Bush's plans, saying that one man in a cape and tights would not make a difference against the tide of hundreds of years of racism. However the President has a secret weapon in his arsenal, a codpiece thickly padded with hundred dollar bills, given to him by Tom DeLay.
The costume was chosen by a focus group of 200 Katrina evacuees
Bush's costume consists of white sneakers, bright blue skin tight pants, festive red, white and blue, Hawaiian style, shirt and white cape. The costume was chosen by a focus group of 200 Katrina evacuees, who were temporarily diverted from their rescue to sit without food and water for ten hours. They then went round and round in a discussion on what kind of costume they would associate with the word "Freedom". The President will also ride a flying surfboard.
Some say that the government detained the evacuees too long for the sake of the President's image. However, administration spokesmen claim the panel would not have lasted so long if the poor black panel members had not fled after seeing Bush in the white hood and robe of his sample costume entitled "Evangelical Purity".
It is not known if poverty will be conquered outside of the Gulf region, or if anyone still poor will be allowed to return there.
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin