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In Defense of the President

Saturday, September 17, 2005

It has come to my attention that there have been a couple of pictures circulated this week as proof that George W. Bush is incapable of buttoning his shirt or knowing when to go to the bathroom. As a fellow child of privilege, I felt it my responsibility to explain these episodes.

First of all, there is the shirt. Now I don't know how poor people do this, but I was dressed by my Latino manservant Raul until I left home. I can still remember his smooth but hardened hands slipping on my silk boxers, lovingly dusted with talcum powder. So I did not really learn how to dress myself until I was 27 years old. To this day, I still have trouble with button up shirts. But unlike the president, I don't have image consultants tell me to wear them to seem like a regular guy (thank god).

Secondly, there is the potty break. There has been quite a bit of back and forth on this. It has been verified by Reuters that the photo is authentic, but many claim that it has been photoshopped. Reuters claim that they just used standard image enhancing filters that they use to enhance all their images. I am assured by James Skippenofsky, who handles our images, that this is pretty standard.

Personally, I am not well versed in bathroom etiquette. Having grown up a child of privilege, I was not myself potty trained until I reached the age of 21. Until then, we had a maid who would follow me around with a bucket and a little scooper.

Some have pointed out that the handwriting seems slightly different at the end of the note. This would indicate that it was not in fact the President who did not know if he wanted to go to the bathroom, but the note was passed to him by Secretary of State, Dr. Rice. I'm sure this will let everyone sleep more soundly.

Adrian Chevelle, opinions.


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