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Bolton Seeks More UN Reforms

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

(SNN New York) US ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, today advanced another round of controversial reforms. Many have criticized Bolton for wanting to give the United States full control over the world's ability to fight aliens.

Perhaps the most controversial of these reforms is Bolton's insistence that the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce be moved from Geneva to Virginia. Proponents of this change say that Bolton merely wants to put UNIT under the jurisdiction of the United States. In addition, many point out that 9 out of every 10 and attacks occur in Europe.

In addition to the movement of UNIT headquarters to Virginia, Bolton also wants to move command of the agency to the UN Security Council. Traditionally, an agency like UNIT would fall under the jurisdiction of the UNSC, but when the agency was chartered in the 70s, it was decided that the ability to act quickly to an incursion was more important than a resolution from the Security Council.

Another point with which many take offense is the editing of the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce charter, removing verbiage designed to make sure that women and minorities cannot be classified aliens. However, a spokesman for Mr. Bolton said that the change of language were merely to make the document easier to understand.

Many complain that UNIT has long been in the sights of the Bush administration, who believe that the organization should be used to gather alien technology to fight the global war on terror. They go as far as to say it would be shortsighted to underestimate the power of alien armadas with weapons that could crack our planet open like an egg. However, in a speech yesterday, President Bush reiterated his commitment to supporting international initiatives to destroy "alien killers who would destroy our way of life."

Administration officials argue that the last two alien invasions, handled regionally by the United Kingdom and UNIT, may have repelled the alien invaders, but in both cases resulted in the electrocution of senior UNIT personnel. UNIT officials in Geneva have publicly stated that these incidents were difficult to foresee, and suggested that a change in leadership was not the proper way to prevent further electrocutions.

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