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The finger on the invisible hand

Skippy Kills a Man

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

As many of you know, I was recently hospitalized for inhalation of spray paint fumes. But what you do not know, is the strange series of events that I became involved in after that hospitalization.

It all started somewhere in the Swiss Alps. For some reason our insurance had sent me to a health spa there. I was going about my business, getting plenty of exercise, eating health food and enjoying the occasional meal of champagne and caviar offered to me by one of the nurses, when I saw someone I had not expected to see, Anderson Cooper of CNN news.

Being a fan of Mr. Cooper's work I immediately went up and introduced myself, however Mr. Cooper did not seem interested in speaking with me. I found it curious that a fellow news man would be so standoffish, so I decided to investigate. Through surveillance, I discovered that this man was not in fact Anderson Cooper, but a man given plastic surgery to look like Anderson Cooper. The man was an Air Force officer who had been lured into a web of deceit after becoming addicted to heroine and sex.

Suspicion was further aroused when a large man tried to kill me. I managed to kill him instead, but not before the nurse and fake Anderson Cooper had escaped. However, I'd realized with their plan was. They intended to destroy the infrastructure of CNN by using an inside man.

Fortunately, I was able to track the nurse to a ship in the Bahamas. The ship, registered to Rupert Murdoch, was called the Disco Saucer. However, by the time I got there, the ship had already left for the South of France. I did, however, have an interesting time in the Bahamas. I went waterskiing, saw the street carnival and someone blew up my hotel room. It was very exciting.

I met up with the Disco Saucer and attended a fancy party thrown by Murdoch. He and I played a computer game, but I think there was a short in the controls because it kept giving me electric shocks. I also met Murdoch's burned-out mistress, and she showed me her enormous diamond.

Murdoch attempted to imprison me, but I managed to escape. I realize that the diamond I had been shown was in the shape of Atlanta, and finally the full plan became clear to me. Murdoch's henchmen were going to take the fake Anderson Cooper through flooded tunnels underneath Atlanta and detonate him beneath the CNN Building.

Fortunately, I and my friend Frank, along with a detachment of and Croatian Marines, managed to intercept Murdoch's men and, during a pitched underwater battle, we were able to safely capture the fake Anderson Cooper, and return him to the US military.

Ironically, I was injured during the battle, and woke up in the same hotel room that I had been put in for paint fume inhalation.

James Skippenofsky, Skippy does it all

I wish that happened to me.

Except the part about the paint fumes and getting _injured_ while fighting.
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