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The finger on the invisible hand

Outsourcing Problem Plagues Washington

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

(SNN Washington) President Bush said this afternoon that he would veto any legislation seeking to block American figure skaters from using Russian composers in their routines. Mr. Bush's rare veto threat came as Republican leaders called to put Sasha Cohen's routine on hold.

On Tuesday, Cohen won the short program with a brilliant performance, but in order for her to perform her brilliant performance, she had to resort to outsourcing. Yes, to perform such spectacular spirals and crisp footwork came at the price of using a Russian folk tune, a testament to the power of the Russians who are already dominating the sport.

Despite the fact that Cohen turned her back on America, she barely slipped ahead of her Russian counterpart, Irina Slutskaya. Yes the name is Slutskaya. It's too easy, just write your own joke. The two are closely followed by Japan's Shizuka Arakawa, who is just hot.

But President Bush contends that outsourcing is a good thing, in fact he has made overtures towards hiring Slutskaya and Arakawa to represent the USA in the next Olympics. "After careful review by our government, I believe the transaction ought to go forward," Mr. Bush told reporters who were traveling with him on Air Force One to Washington. Some administration officials, refusing to be quoted by name, suggested that any objections by lawmakers to this outsourcing hinted at racism on their part.

By the way, I believe one of the ice-skating women mentioned in this article also had a torrid sexual affair with one of the men mentioned in the earlier article. It's like a sexual underground thing, you know? We all know all.
Looks like outsourcing only delivered the silver. Do we want a nation of silver seaports or steaming golden showers seaports?
This just goes to show that we should have hired Arakawa to represent the US. Then we could have been proudly shouting USA! USA!
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